Life has been interesting lately. School is going well, however I just reached the point of the semester where I have zero motivation, and a lot of stuff that's due in the next month, but I just don't want to work on it. I'll get over that though, and go back to my usual productive self. I have realized some things in the past few weeks that are different. One is that I'm ready to be lower my walls, and I have no idea how to do so. I had a relationship end pretty badly 5 years ago, I trusted someone a lot and they turned their back. So in defense I put up some really strong emotional walls that were already there to begin with. Now I have a really hard time telling people what is truly on my mind, at least emotionally.
In the last month I've been hanging out with two of my guy friends a lot; one of them knows I'm gay and we talk about it occasionally (we'll call him Chad). I trust them and it's nice just to be able talk to a guy (amusingly enough we have the same type that we tend to fall for). However I realized that with Chad I wouldn't mind being in a pseudo-relationship. What I mean by this is that he's like a brother I guess, I wouldn't mind just chilling and falling asleep next to him, just as long as nothing sexual occurred. I'm not used to actually craving physical contact, so it's kind of new to me. The only time I get physical is when I've had a few drinks, then I'll put my arm around someone's shoulder or hug them, but nothing excessive. Also one of my friends told me that I was the nicest drunk that he has ever met, so I guess that's a good thing. Hope all is going well with you guys, enjoy the wonderful fall colors and the pumpkin flavored everything!