General Update

        Hey all,  it's been awhile.  I've had a lot of homework, projects, and exams in the last month; I'm sure you have also.  Finals are done, and now I'm home for a month, which will be nice.  Recently I've been made professional development chair for Theta Tau, and have a job lined up next semester working with nanotechnology.  That on top of engineering classes, so I don't know how much I will be able to update.  I've made an early New Year's resolution to come out to two of my closest engineering friends next time I see them.  I also want to try and become more fit, so during the winter break I will try and work out some, any suggestions for these cold winter months??  Hope all is going well with you, stay warm and enjoy the holidays and hanging with friends and family.

Big Bang Theory (TV Show)

       I have a love-hate relationship with the Big Bang Theory Show.  I enjoy it for it's humor, and it's nice just to relax, but there are so many things that irritate me about it.  First off it's a classic stereotype that all scientists are generally white and male; they all love anime, comics and all things nerdy and have had a difficult time trying to pick up women.  This last part I can understand, since in some fields there aren't very many women who go into it.  But a number of the engineers I know aren't all that nerdy, I mean sure some play D&D, but a number of them are quite the opposite of BBT cast.  Then of course there are the female characters in the show.  Now for awhile it was just Penny, who was your average blonde, ditzy, white girl who wanted to be an actress (sounds like  Tess from Lip Service).  She was the main female character for a number of seasons, making it seem to mainstream audiences that women don't try to into STEM fields.  But at least now we have Bernadette and Amy who are female scientists and can hold their scientific ground in arguments with the guys.  The only downside is that the show doesn't portray LGBT scientists, although Amy is arguably bisexual for Penny, but there is no development in same-sex relationships.  Well it still has a number of seasons left, and I haven't watched any of this season.  We'll see if it changes.

Past few weeks

       The reason that I haven't posted in the last few weeks is because I've had at least 2 exams each week, which is highly time consuming in studying for them.  Recently the temperature has been going down, getting to about 40 degrees (Fahrenheit) at night.  Earlier this morning one of my roommates comes out of  his room and grumpily says "We are turning the heat on tonight."  What is funny about this is that I sleep naked and find it to be the perfect temperature to sleep in.  I mean sure, my toes get a little cold, but that it what blankets are for.  Another one of my roommates just turned the heat on to satisfy him for today, although I expect a confrontation about the thermostat in the near future.
      Halloween is coming up and I have decided to go as Marceline the Vampire Queen from Adventure Time.  If you don't watch the show, try it.  I understand it's not for everyone, but I like it because it's short, and I don't have to think about anything during that time.  Then there is the whole Bubbline theory (that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline used to date)  that comes from the episode "What Was Missing", and then comes up again in the episode "Sky Witch".  Anyhow have a safe and warm Halloween/ October, I will try to keep more up to date.

Edit:  It's fascinating how there is a gap in age where people don't want to dress up for Halloween.  From what I have witnessed it's high schoolers don't want to go out, then in college it's like we've gone back to kindergarten, we take naps at weird times and we enjoy all the holidays

"Fun Home"

       I just finished reading Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Allison Bechdel.  I am reading it for my Literature class that I'm taking to boost my GPA, and I finished it a week and a half early.  Once I started reading it I couldn't put it down.  I recommend reading it while listening to either Katie Herzig or Paper Aeroplane.  Anyhow, I could relate to her at some points, such as that random moment where you think "I'm gay." and everyone else continues their days and you have a huge pivotal moment.  I have a feeling of contentment after reading that book.  Radclyffe is another good lesbian author, although it's more of short novella romances.  Have a great autumn, I love this weather, the sunshine feels softer than it did in the summer which is good.

Lesbian Interesting Stereotypes

        I've heard some interesting things about lesbians, and how to tell if someone is a lesbian.  If a woman compliments you on your fingers or hands, she's gay.  Lesbians love circles, everyone gets something or is included, etc.  One of my favorites is that a lesbian will always survive a horror film, and maybe even kill the evil thing coming after everyone.  Do you have any other interesting lesbian stereotypes that you've heard about?  Have a safe and fun weekend!

A Shout Out to Vivian Underhill

       Thank you Vivian Underhill for writing the amazing article for the online magazine Autostraddle.  I have been amazed at the positive responses from readers, and appreciative of all the emails.  Hope you go far in life Vivian, keep writing.  Thanks again!

Online Dating

       I've been considering an online dating website for sometime now (i.e. gaydar girls.com).  Yet I never have set one up, I start to fill out the profile, but I never complete it.  I guess some part of me still dreams of the romantic comedy meeting.  Although lesbian romantic comedies usually have the same theme.  That is gay girl meets straight girl who is happily in a relationship with a guy (sometimes in the verge of getting married or already married).  The straight girl has never really had a same sex attraction before and then before you know it she's left her male lover and everyone's ends up happy.  I prefer the "Lip Service" TV show option of meeting a significant other of "sure, every other woman I meet is a lesbian".  I am ignoring the fact that some of the characters have used internet dating sites and have shown the two extremes of meeting the dream girl and the complete disaster date.
       Maybe I should set an online dating profile one of these days, it's not like I know of many gay women in the sciences besides those that read my blog.  Thanks to those who do!

Views on TV Shows

       Tonight my roommates came up with the topic of how a lot of main stream TV shows have been incorporating an LGBT couple into minor plot lines.  These shows can include "How I met your Mother" and  I guess the Disney show "Good Luck Charlie" is having a lesbian couple in a side story.  Now my roommates, who are all straight, said that they are sick of this, but I guess they don't really understand.  TV needs to become more diversified, that way people will get used to the idea that everyone should be equal.

2013 Fall Classes

       First day of classes was today, although on Mondays class doesn't start until late afternoon, which is really bizarre.  I am used to classes starting around 9 or 10, just like the rest of my week does for class.  I am taking an LGBT Literature course, that should be fun, it's a medium sized class of 40 people, so I hopefully will meet some nice friends there.  I haven't really run into any of my engineering friends yet, but I am going to try and hang out with them some.  It should be a good semester.  Last semester I had the feeling that there was no reason for me to come back to school, although now that I have joined a few social groups it helps me know that there is something to come back to.
       And I can currently count the number of people I am out to on both hands, now the number is up to a whopping six people!!! One of whom I never talk to, yay! (Sarcasm there)  I need to work on that.  Have a great fall, enjoy the leaves and apple cider everyone!

Compliments

       I was at a fair today for work, and during a break I got a taco.  As I ordered the woman who was working there said "You have really pretty blue eyes."  I had no idea how to respond, she was around my age and extremely attractive, I said thank you and gave an awkward smile.  I had to wait a few minutes for my food and we kept making eye contact as her younger brother took orders.  I guess I get flustered around attractive women, too bad I won't see her again.

Family Reunion

       Had a family reunion earlier this weekend, went pretty well.  One of my uncles asked me if I had any boyfriends yet, my answer was "No, I'm focusing on school."  That's partially true, although if I meet a woman in college and she happens to be gay I'll date her.  I learned that one of my good friend's younger brother has already dated people, compared to my zero.  Had a little "I'm going to die alone" moment.  I am more open about my sexuality around my good friends, so glad that they are so comfortable about it.  Have a good, safe summer!  Sorry for the lack of posts, been busy.

Closet Door

        My closet door has opened up more this weekend.  I came out to my three best friends on Friday evening.  We were sitting and talking & two of them asked me if I was interested in anyone down at school and if it was a man or a woman.  I told them that it was a woman.  One of my friends just shouted "CALLED IT!!"  Apparently they had discussed which one of us would be gay before.  It's nice knowing that I don't have to change pronouns, or sneakily check a woman out around them now.  Also TGIF's restaurants have really attractive waitresses.  Have a safe July 4th, don't mix fireworks & alcohol.  Stay cool!!

Supreme Court DOMA Ruling

       This is extremely delayed news, I am sure you guys have heard all about it.  The Supreme Court has made DOMA & California's Proposition 8 (ban of same-sex marriage) unconstitutional.  My facebook feed exploded with the news that "gay marriage has been legalized!", & etc.  Yet this isn't the entire truth.  What these court cases have decided that the general masses are forgetting (at least to my eyes) include some of the following.  This court case does not affect the 37 states' constitutions that have banned gay marriage.  Meaning that gay and lesbian married couples have full federal benefits of heterosexual marriages, but ONLY in the 13 states that have legalized gay marriage.  Although now the Pentagon is saying that the LGBT members of the armed forces will be allowed benefits for their partners, something that wasn't done before.
      I am glad that the LGBT community is finally gaining a little bit of ground in terms of rights, but it's frightening to hear that people still don't want us to marry.  Anyhow, hope you are all having a good summer, stay cool & hydrated!

Sorry Readers

       Sorry for the lack of posts the past month, month and a half.  My summer job requires me to get up at 5 am, so I tend to go to sleep early.  Although weekends I tend to stay up until 2 am.  There are a number of good things about this job.  I have learned to get up before 10 am on the weekends, and how to drive a truck, and it's really nice being outside all the time.  I do admit that I need to drive more, but I am somewhat uncomfortable driving for work and I have no idea why.  I have been working every weekday this summer, so I haven't really had any interesting social things going on lately.  Hope you guys are all having an awesome summer.  And if you can go to a Metric concert, DO IT!!! She's a perfect mixture between a spunky pixie & an innocent fairy.

Boy Scouts

       The Boy Scouts have finally voted on allowing gay students join troops.  They still don't allow gay troop leaders though.
       I know before the vote a number of Eagle Scout members would mail in their badges, protesting the ban on gay teens.  I also remember reading that Girl Scouts accepted gay teens if they were refused from joining Boy Scouts.  However I know Boy Scouts is a lot better at keeping members than Girl Scouts is.  I always wished my Girl Scout troop had been more involved besides selling cookies.  I hope someday that the Boy Scouts will allow gay troop leaders.

Attraction Guidelines

Personal Guidelines of what I am attracted to in a woman:

(Not in any order)

• Is bi-sexual or lesbian.  Sometimes this fails unfortunately, I have recently developed a crush on a woman who is clearly straight, but then again I main know straight engineers.
• Don't fall for friends I've known for over a year and a half, unless they show a serious interest and effort in a more intimate relationship.
• Likes the outdoors, hiking, gardening, etc.
• Enjoys food, either cooking or eating or both
• Listens to a wide variety of music
• Able to go for a few days or a week without constant communication.  This may seem like a weird rule, but I'll explain.  I am a very independent person, I understand that other people have their friends and I have mine, I also get irritated if I am around one person for extended periods of time.
• We can talk about anything, but we don't have to know everything about one another
• They know how to press my buttons.  Most of the time I only let people get to my core emotions or secrets when they only ask certain questions or make me angry.
• Spontaneity exists, yet is not there all the time
• Someone who enjoys learning, understands some science, is passionate about their field.
• Has some curves, I've never understood how extremely skinny people are attractive, sorry but I don't
• Able to make fun of one another, this is a must. I always bicker with people I am comfortable around
• No pigtails, I hate pigtails; any other hairstyle is fine

That's about all I can think about for now, this one may be updated in the future.

A Number of Things

1.)  Minnesota legalized gay marriage!!! And only after a few months after the attempted vote to ban it!

2.)  I am sure most of you have heard of the private Catholic school administration firing one of their teachers after finding out she was a lesbian.  Here's a link to more info:   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/29/carla-hale-update-gay-teacher-fights_n_3179138.html

3.)  I came to the realization during the last day of one of my thermodynamics class that I have developed a crush on a member of my study group, too bad she's in a relationship.

4.)  One of my best friends came out to me last week.  It's great knowing that someone in my group understands, yet it makes me feel a bit awful because I haven't said anything to them about my own sexuality.

Hope your summer is starting off fantastically, try to relax a bit!

Dorm Room Pillow Talks

        Last night my roommate and I were talking before we fell asleep.  She was asking me if I was attracted to any of my engineering friends, to which I said no.  She then asked how long it had been attracted emotionally to someone, which made me realize that it had been six years.  This prompted questions about that time.  I told her a little bit about the situation, replacing all "she's" and " her"  with "they".  (The fact that I don't remember what those are called shows I am an engineer.)  For a while she would ask a bunch of "he" questions, she assumed that it was a guy.  Then this portion of the conversation occurred:
       Her:   "You keep using "they", was there more than one?"
       Me:  "No, it was only one person."
       Her:  "Was it a guy?"
       Me:  "No."
       She then proceeded to ask if anyone had known about this relationship, or how I felt, and I gave her the honest truth of that everyone thought we were friends.
       So my roommate has some idea of my sexual tendencies are now.  I am sure there will be some pressing questions on her end in the future.  Have an awesome week, and if you're in the Upper Midwest, stay warm and safe, I hope you aren't getting cabin fever with the never-ending winter.

Facebook & The Supreme Court Trial

       Sorry for the long gap in between posts, it's been a busy month.  Anyhow, I am sure most of you have heard about the U.S. Supreme Court taking up the cases that involve DOMA and the repeal of Proposition 8.  I am assuming that those of you with Facebook have seen all the red equal signs of people you support marriage equality.  I haven't seen too many anti-gay marriage posts, but I have seen a number of people posting about how they don't think that everyone changing their facebook profile to a red equal sign will make a difference.  They also say how those who have changed their profile picture  should go out and actively do something, rather than stating this on the internet.
      Now for a closeted lesbian's opinion.  It helps so much knowing that so many people who I know in real life actually approve of gay marriage.  Even if I was out I would be happy that there was so much support.  I hope that the Supreme Court will make the correct decision and allow gay marriage in the U.S. since we are a nation all about equality.

That moment...

       I had a pretty good Sunday for the most part.  I slept in a little bit, and did homework most of the day, with a few breaks here and there.  So I was out of the room for about nine hours.  I get back to the dorm, and my roommate and her boyfriend are watching an episode of something.  The episode finishes and they ask me if I want him to leave.  I say that he has a paper that he should finish editing, and trust me his papers need editing.  My roommate looks at me and says, but you won't be going to bed for another few hours.
       I take this to mean that the only way I can kick her boyfriend out is by saying that I am going to sleep.  At least next week is spring break, and that next year we will have separate rooms.

Valentine's Day

      It's Valentine's Day this Thursday, as I am sure you all know.  I've always had a negative view on the concept of Valentine's Day, it could be because I've been single a majority of my life.  Why does there have to be a specific day for couples to show their love?  I know one girl who was complaining that it was her first Christmas season being single in six years, welcome to the club.  Couples can do couple-y things all year round.
      I've always wanted a relationship where we can tell each other how we feel anytime of the year.  It's the little things that count.  Maybe it's just splurging and going out and getting a meal or dessert that is more expensive, or leaving little notes, or taking a small weekend trip to someplace new.
      Also I don't understand why flowers are such a big deal.  Alright I understand that they are out of season so they mean something a little but more.  I grew up in a household where we had flowers in the house all year round, or at least potted plants like Christmas cactus that bloom in the winter, or orchids which bloom a really long time.  Wow I am extremely cynical, sorry guys.
      I wish a show like Lip Service was on the air again.  The media tends to portray Valentine's Day as a day for heterosexual couples.  Speaking of which I saw a most infuriating Facebook group that was titled:  "Heterosexual Awareness Month."  I've glanced at some of their photos and they act like heterosexuals are as discriminated against as the LGBT community.  Yeah, like they can lose housing or jobs for their sexual orientation.  They also enforce the classic stereotypes that women should make the husband lunch and do all the housework, while the husband will make the money and kill the spiders and even get the mail.  Seriously?!?!?  I can kill my own spiders and even leave the house on my own free will.
      Sorry for the long post, take some breaks, enjoy Valentine's Day!

Theta Tau

       In the last week I have been pledged to Theta Tau, a co-ed engineering fraternity.  I figured it would be a good way for me to hang out with other engineers, and it would look good on a resume.  The people seem to be pretty nice, I am guessing that most of them would be accepting of my sexuality if I was to tell them.  It was fascinating seeing some of the pledges get wasted, one guy started hiccuping every other word!  It was also fascinating to see some of the older women in the fraternity take me under their wing.  It will be a great time overall!  Anyhow hope you are doing well, and have a relaxing weekend!

Ups and Downs

       As you grow older you realize that some people don't care about you.  I realized that last semester with the study group that I had been a part of.  I tried to connect with them, they are mainly female engineers, who all want to talk about their man crushes and stuff.  I was there to study, and to have people to relax with.  It started with one of the girl's getting an iPhone.  A few days after this happened we were waiting for class to start, our other group members had skipped class.  I was trying to hold a conversation with her and she said "Oh one sec, I just got this really important text.  I'm trying to plan a surprise birthday party for a friend back home."  I noticed that she had never done this to anyone else in our study group.  Then it went further, she would always take pictures of her and another girl in class, and I would be left to the wayside.
       Now I have classes with members of the old study group, I've said hi a few times but was never really paid attention to.  Luckily I am now forming a group that actually talks to me. It's nice knowing that you are appreciated.
        Also, Lip Service has been cancelled after two seasons.  There was so much to be resolved in the last episode.  I really wish BBC3 would have allowed a third season to wrap things up.  It also means that there aren't anymore TV shows devoted to gay and lesbians.  At least Heather Peace is still acting.  I don't know how good a show it is though.  She did an excellent job playing Sam.  If I had been 10 years older I wouldn't have minded dating Sam or Heather herself.  One last thing:  coffee burns hurt, almost as bad as hot glue gun burns.

Matchmaking

        My roommate has decided to be a matchmaker.  She says that one of her guy friends back home and I would be a good couple.  To some extent it amuses it, to another it rubs me the wrong way.  And yes, I am still closeted, I will try to let readers know when I am not.
        I don't know why I'm not attracted to men, I guess it's because I usually see them as friends or brothers, never in a sexual manner.  I mean sure I do notice when a guy has a well sculpted face, but it never goes farther than that.  I know straight women point out another woman's positive features, but they are never attracted to women.  I suppose it's a good thing that I am not attracted to men being  in engineering, it allows me to focus on my work.  Yet this also hinders me in finding a girlfriend of my own, since there are few females already there is a lower chance of find someone who is bi or gay.  I'll find someone special soon enough I suppose.
         Well I hope school or work are going well for you faithful followers.  Stay sane, have a cup of tea, read a book, go sledding, have fun!

Influential Essay v. 2.0

Here's a link to a fascinating article that I can relate to, sadly.  Anyhow I hope you find this enjoyable.

"Closeted Discoverers: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Scientists"
http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_magazine/previous_issues/articles/2010_10_01/science.opms.r0900097

Hey Again!

       It's been a while since I've written, sorry about that!  I hope you all had a fabulous winter break or holiday break!  Mine was good, I don't really want to go back to school, I've gotten used to being at home, relaxing most of the time since I didn't work at the UPS store this year.  Anyhow, a funny thing happened the other day.  My mom wanted to know what made me attracted to men. I just nudged it off, mainly by giving her a lot of non-answer answers, if that makes any sense what-so-ever.  The next day my dad and I went to the mall to walk a few laps.  He said how mom never talked with grandma about what she is attracted to in a man.
       At this point we've walked past a store that sells henna tattoos and belly dancer costumes.  Then he says "You could always tell her you're dating a belly dancer."  The imagined reaction of my mom's face at that comment is hilarious!  That's all for now, School starts on Monday, I will do amazingly well this semester!  Happy New Year by the way!